Sex Ed: AROUSAL

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Posted on June 23, 2025

Sex Ed: Understanding arousal and why it's more than physical

Arousal is often portrayed as something spontaneous - but for many women it is far more nuanced. Arousal is influenced by emotions, hormones and the stories we have been told about sex and pleasure. Learning how you respond to arousal - what turns you on, what helps you relax, and what makes you feel safe - can be a powerful practice in self awareness and connection.

The most powerful erogenous zone for women is the brain. For a woman to become aroused she generally needs to feel safe, relaxed, well rested and trusting in her partner or in an environment where she feels comfortable. However, arousal is complex. It is non-linear, often influenced by emotional, physical, hormonal and even situational factors. What works one day may not work the next and some instances can be confusing and confronting. This is completely normal! If you’ve ever wondered why something turns you on when you feel like it shouldn't, or why you might feel shame around your sexual expression and desire, know that this is a completely common experience and can be explored with a registered Sexologist, Counsellor or Psychologist.

What qualifies as sexual arousal? Here are some signs: A quickening heartbeat, dilated pupils, increase in body temperature, dampness, peaked nipples or feeling the need to urinate as blood swells to your genitals.

Often, excessive exposure to pornography can lead to desensitization and can be compared to the likes of sugar addiction inciting a quick release of dopamine. Unless this is what you like and what turns you on, exploring your imagination and being present with arousal can lead to learning what you really do like, and a slower and more prolonged release of beneficial hormones. Knowing what you like, means you’re also one step closer to communicating this to future or current partners and deepening the connection you have with yourself.

Journaling

Start writing it down. One of the best parts about journaling is that it is a completely private practice. Start with recalling scenes that helped you become aroused, scenes from a film, lyrics, artwork, or even a time when sex or self pleasure was particularly good. Or, start writing your own! They don't have to make any sense or be for anyone else’s eyes but yours!

Begin to play! Sensory deprivation

Depriving a sense like sight while stimulating another like touch or sound can increase the intensity, anticipation bringing you more presence in your body. Remember to listen to your body’s cues for when to pull back or keep going!

A silk eye mask isn't just for sleep. Silk is a sensuous fabric that is soft and gentle on the skin. Run a prickly dry brush along your body and recall how this feels in your journal.

Massage

Using warm oils to massage yourself or your partner can deepen relaxation, enhance connection and bring you into the present moment with your body and the sensation of touch.

Romance novels/audiobooks

Thanks to book-tok romance novels have taken the world by storm. Often written by women, for women, reading or listening to a story primes your imagination. Many of the stories follow tropes or highlight kinks you have that you never thought other people had!

Podcasts

Horny For Life is a podcast by founder of sexual wellness brand Alexandra Fine. With open discussions about women's health, experiencing pleasure at any age and sexual intimacy, the conversations are vast, inclusive and grounded in curiosity.

Try These:

Silk eye mask

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